ABANDONMENT of the worst kind

/

For some reason, I decided to compose for the first time in five years back in December/January, the result being “Azure Stone.”

Actually, I know exactly the reason for composing “Azure Stone”: My cello teacher at the time, Donna Imrasek, gave me the go-ahead when she said she loved playing new music and would gladly look at anything I chose to write for her. In other words, I had an AUDIENCE.

I recently submitted the piece to a competition which shall remain unnamed here since they insist on anonymity in the process, and that got me to thinking: what about my other music? As if on cue, I got an email from the Kaleidoscope Chamber Orchestra announcing their competition, and since they don’t require anonymity, I’m going to use them as the basis for this post about ABANDONMENT.

It’s one thing to step back and declare your work finished, i.e., ABANDONED, but it is quite another thing to ABANDON it to an AUDIENCE. Your brain is quite happy with the first, but the second? Uncertainty sets in. Anxiety bubbles up. Fear begins to gnaw at your amygdala:

WHAT IF THEY’RE NOT THE AUDIENCE?

What if that group of THOSE PEOPLE OUT THERE are not in fact the audience for my work? Sometimes you have a clue — you wouldn’t submit your space cowboy fantasy trilogy to a competition for romance novelists, or any of my music to a 12-tone music fest.

But this kind of thing, an open competition for anything — I mean, practically anything — leaves you wondering whether you have a chance. Are they really going to consider a faux-Arvo-Pärt piece, or a collection of tuneful and not-really-easy suite of easy piano pieces? And what’s with that overblown ballet piece with its — shall we say — challenging cello part?

And what if they’re looking for ultra-modern atonal stuff? Or some style of music I am completely unaware of? Let’s face it: I’m a completely amateur composer and not in any way a part of the rarefied world of contemporary orchestral music.

::heavy sigh::

Counterpoint 1: I refer you to my recent post on second-guessing the AUDIENCE. Write for yourself.

Counterpoint 2: Emily Dickinson and Vincent van Gogh, to name two, sat on their accomplishments their whole lives, leaving their poor siblings to pick the slack and do the work of getting their art out there to an AUDIENCE. Don’t do that to your heirs and assigns. [Yes, we know about poor Vincent’s issues.]

So here, take a shot at being my music’s AUDIENCE:

Azure Stone

Five Easier Pieces

being a compantion to and partial apology for ‘Six Preludes (no fugues)’

Getting Through Getting Over

a ballet score, for piano, clarinet, violin, and cello; based on the Cello Sonata, with additional material; premiered by Southern Arc Dance, Mar 17, 2018

And yes, scores for all of the above are available upon request. Or if you’d rather just snag them without the awkwardness of my knowing you looked at them and chose to reject them, head over to my other website. Scroll to the bottom.